For the first time in my blogging life I am participating in WP Weekly Writing Challenge – that’s why this post is in English.
What age means to me?
I noticed that in one point in my life I simply forgot how old I am. From that moment on I always have to calculate to answer this simple question. I think that happened when I “grew up”. When I didn’t have to wait to have 18 and move from parents house and get a driving licence and all the other things that I had to wait for. At the same time my spiritual awakening started to happen and I realized that really, I am not this body. And this body is aging and going through all the processes through which everything which is material has to go. And me? I have no age. I cannot get old, I cannot die, because I was not born.
But I use this mortal body for a limited period of time.
Age has meaning only in terms of maturation, of growing up, of starting to develop taste for wisdom. Hopefully things are getting better as time passes, hopefully we learn and grow from life lessons. If not, then life is not going in the right direction.
Looking back through my life lessons I cannot help noticing that painful experiences are the ones that made me grow, that made me go far beyond limits of my age. Starting with experience of war when I was 13 – I gained insight into human nature which would never come naturally in that tender age.
Living on my own from my 18 and meeting love of my life in that very same age. This was another, this time, positive but very strong growing experience – to surrender to the Love strong as the Mighty One him self, to lose all that I was and to sacrifice my mind to that power. I sad Yes! and expanded even more.
Then, as young as 22, I met my spiritual teacher, my beloved Gurudev. He reminded me of my true nature, confirmed my ever-present feeling that I am old…very old indeed, ancient.
Giving birth to my first child was yet another great awakening, another mighty Initiation of sharing my body, my life with another Human being. Expanding so much, removing myself completely in countless ways. From that day I stopped being my center, I stopped living for me – and started living not only for my child but for others.
Then the painful one came…My father died. Losing the witness of this life, realizing how it is to live with a big hole in heart, with emptiness that no one can fill. Expanding again. Beyond my limits. Embracing Life as it is. Feeling the beginning of it with watching my baby girl and end of it by saying last prayers for my father.
Do I enjoy life and look forward to every single day?
Since I gave birth to my second child, I got a great Gift. From the first day of her life, she brought Joy of living. I would wake up before her, waiting eagerly to see her, to spend time with her, to hold and kiss her. Watching her run and jump makes my heart jump of joy together with her. And I feel her freshness, and feel myself younger.
And in a way that is the conclusion and guideline from contemplating age .
Grow wiser and younger every single day…